Wish Plot [June]

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

"Dorian, you were in public. In daylight. You brought a dead animal back to life!" Bull scowled when Dorian retorted with something about his professionalism, with his skill. Bull didn't doubt Dorian's skill, of course he didn't. He had seen Dorian wield the power of the Fade on battlefields; he knew Dorian had figured out how to solve whatever it was Alexius did to him and the Inquisitor to move them in time.

But that wasn't the point.

"This is not Tevinter, and there is no Inquisitor here to protect you."

Even though he was annoyed, his voice remained even and calm, even in the face of Dorian getting sarcastic and sharp. All he could think of was the potential danger. There could be plenty of people out there interested in someone that could manipulate the dead like that. Maybe Darrow was more or less accepting of magic and mages, but that didn't make them safe.

Eventually, it wasn't worth keeping up the fight. Bull shook his head, and for now, he let it go. He fell into bed, wanting to just sleep the night off.

Come morning, Bull ached. He was awake early and couldn't quite make himself fall back asleep. So he rose and shuffled his way downstairs to start coffee for the two of them.

Comments

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

That Dorian thought that he was somehow at fault broke something in him. Bull shook his head.

"No, Dorian. You weren't an Abomination. You were defending the Inquisitor."

Bull reached for Dorian when he saw that slight sway; he didn't want him to fall, wouldn't let him. The truth was there; Bull had laid it bare and even if he could stop now, he wouldn't. Dorian deserved to know the rest of it now. But the truth filled Bull - as he was now - with an abiding shame.

"I was not - and never became - Tal-Vasoth in this history I remember, Dorian. You killed me because... you had to."

[propertool]

Dorian let Bull catch him. They both needed that, didn't they? That touch. His eyes felt hot and his legs felt weak, but he leaned against the broad grey shape beside him.

"Bull," he said, the word dropping from his mouth heavily, an over-ripe fruit.

"I can't even imagine -- that's not your fault, it's not possibly. The Inquisition, the engine was too big, moving forward too fast. If you never left the Qun, it was only a matter of time. We all secretly knew it, didn't we?"

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

"Everyone seemed rather surprised. Especially the Inquisitor... especially you."

Bull touched Dorian's face, remembering vividly the anger, the hurt the mage had expressed the moment Bull revealed his hand. He remembered the coldness, too, but he could not blame Dorian for that.

"I know that you don't remember what I do, but I want you to know how torn I felt in that moment." The truth was flooding out, and Bull could not stop it. He touched Dorian now because he had not been able to in those memories, not really. "I had suspicions that the Triumvirate had not approved the Viddasala's full mission... but it was too late. You knew it, and I did. I was a dead man either way."

Bull frowned, then leaned close to touch his forehead to Dorian's. He closed his eye.

"You were the only one that could do it, kadan. I am sorry for that, too."

[propertool]

Dorian scrubbed his face with his hands, mussing his faial hair, not caring.

"Of course I know you were torn. I'm sure that I knew it then. But I'm ... I trusted you, Bull. Even if I knew better. I trusted you then. I trust you now. If you proved me wrong for doing so ... it wouldn't be you that I was furious with, Bull. It would be myself. And that huts, even just having this conversation. It hurts to know you have that power over me, do you know?"

It wouldn't be Dorian's first betrayal, but Maker, he as so tired of leading himself into the same traps.

"So know that. You know that. And id the situation should come up, if life should lead you there. You think twice. Because this time, I'll be furious with you, oo."

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

Bull pulled Dorian closer to him; he leaned down to touch their foreheads together, like he could soothe the mage's racing thoughts.

"The Inquisitor chose to sacrifice the Chargers for the sake of an alliance with my people... It was unheard of for the Triumvirate to reach out to any human organization. It made sense. It was for the greater good of the Inquisition, and the greater benefit to the Qunari. But after they died--"

He frowned and smoothed his hand down Dorian's back, attempting to offer comfort. "All my life only made sense if the Qun came first. I had no where else to turn. You and I-- we were still trading barbs back then."

He took a breath and let it go slowly as he lifted his head again, so he could meet Dorian's gaze. "Things are different here. I am different here."

[propertool]

It was the truth. The Qunari didn't make alliances; an alliance would suggest some sort of equality to the Qun, and that just wouldn't do. Dorian remembered that day on the Storm Coast as well. But the day had ended with Bull in sorrow -- but not because anything had happened to the Chargers.

Krem remembered differently as well. Krem remembered very differently.

He pressed his lips together.

"I know you're different. And apparently you're more different than I imagined, because you would not have done that to me, that's what I believe. I also knew a Bull that died at the hands of a damned demon army. I'll digest this, Bull. Just give me the time. It seems that time is always the issue."

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

He nodded and his fingers brushed down the back of Dorian's neck. He'd needed time, too, but most of his had been spent trying to keep this all buried, trying to will it away.

But the Iron Bull could not will away the scars on his chest and his back. Every time Dorian touched them, on purpose or in passing, he remembered the look on the mage's face as he died.

"You told me about that," he said with a wry smile. "One night, not long after we started sleeping with each other. We were in your room, and you told me what happened in the future you and the Inquisitor visited. You were anxious about it, despite the success at Halamshiral. Nothing you said surprised me. It was a cause worth dying for."

He nuzzled Dorian's cheek, then tipped his head to kiss him; Dorian's lips were tight, unhappy. Keeping the secret had been heavy, but it had spared Dorian some angst.

"I wanted to protect you from this future of mine," he confessed, soft and somewhat contrite. "I knew it would not be yours."

[propertool]

The contrition in Bull's rumble of a voice softened Dorian's mouth against his. He kissed back, leaning into it like a flower into a patch of sunlight, then parted with a wistful sigh.

"I love you very dearly, Bull. And I am yours. But not yours to protect. You knew that all along. You should have listened to your better judgement."

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

Feeling Dorian relax, feeling him lean close was a relief. It allowed something inside of Bull to relax, too.

"That has never stopped me from trying, kadan."

Usually that meant physically; he'd taken blows that Dorian had never seen coming in the past, he'd kept enemy combatants from trying to pick off the mage. And there had been times that he tried to protect Dorian from certain truths, but this was different, and Bull had the grace to know that.

"I was afraid," he said, another truth he might not have normally confessed, spilling off his tongue heavily.

[propertool]

A smile sneaked back into the corner of Dorian's eyes. He responded to Bull with sadness and gentleness. And humor. He wrapped his arms around the qunari's neck.

"Bull, I've been terrified half my waking life. Believe me, I understand."

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

Bull huffed quietly and leaned closer to Dorian, gathering the mage close to him. Carrying the memories alone had been exhausting, but he had believed the burden should be his and his alone. Perhaps he should have known something like that - with very obvious physical reminders - could not stay buried forever.

He should have known, trusted, that Dorian could handle it.

"Kadan," he murmured, his voice a deep and even rumble in his chest.

[propertool]

"Yes, I know," Dorian said dramatically, before patting Bull on the chest. His smile became reassuring.

"Do you want some time alone? I imagine that must have exhausted you, I-- really, I ought to apologize. Can't bring myself to contrition quite yet, though. Give it time."

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

"No, I don't want to be alone. I have been alone for months."

Bull made a face after the confession, because even if he was being honest, he wouldn't have said it like that if he had a choice.

"I'm sure you'll get to contrition eventually, and I am a patient man." He picked up his coffee and finally drank some of it. He was hungry; he'd cook something soon. "Should I call out of work tonight? Blunt honesty can't be good for a bouncer."

[propertool]

Dorian's face twisted, for a heartbeat, into a look that tried not to be deep pity, and failed. Pity was seldom a look that a man appreciated, but most especially, he didn't think Bull would appreciate the mage's emotional reflex.

"You should. But not because I think you won't be able to handle your job. Just stay home today, read a book, spend some time in the garden with me. Now, how about some eggs?"

[shok_ebasit_hissra]

Dorian's pity, though not solicited, was not necessarily unwanted. Bull had intentionally been holding any offer of compassion at arm's length for months, and this strange circumstance had forced his guard down.

He wanted comfort.

"I'll stay home," he agreed. "Plant the garden while you drink lemonade and tell me where to put things." Bull brushed his hand over Dorian's back as he passed to get the eggs out of the fridge.

[propertool]

"Thank you."

Dorian followed Bull with a strange smile before moving to finish his coffee. He needed about two more cups.

Bull's offer was kind. Dorian liked caring for plants, but he immensely disliked playing in dirt, especially when it got under his fingernails. If he could avoid that part, he wasn't about to argue.

He watched Bull move easily around the kitchen over the rim of his mug. Dorian needed to tell Krem about all of this. Or, at least, talk to someone about his feelings that wasn't Bull.