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It was late when he texted Dorian, just to warn the mage that he was on his way home. He'd promised he would; some nights it wasn't an issue, but Bull just had a feeling when he left the Bramford earlier. He hadn't been wrong, apparently. He took the elevator, even if he didn't trust it, because he'd taken a bad blow to his left leg and the idea of walking up all the stairs proved more daunting.

He leaned on the wall as he went down the hall and let himself into his apartment. He liked that Dorian spent the night; he liked that Dorian spent the night even when Bull had to work. It would be just as easy for Dorian to get an undisturbed night of sleep in his own apartment, but he was always there. Bull liked seeing him, asleep and relaxed and somehow taking up three quarters of the massive bed.

Bull landed on the bed more heavily than he meant to and he hissed, teeth grit against the pain. He breathed through it; it wasn't the worst pain he'd ever had. He was annoyed that it had slowed him up at all. Bull leaned down to work the brace loose, to take it off so he could remove his boots, at last. He might not bother changing for bed.

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"If we're in the same room together. And with a bit of lyrium. Yes."

He smiled at Bull, a smile calculated to look harmless, comforting. He was, in a way, admitting to a greater capability, one that most certainly could have been used unethically. Provided Dorian had a few less scruples.

He was, fortunately, possessed of more scruples than was always convenient.

"You've never talked about this with a mage, have you? No. You wouldn't have. On account of the mouths sewn shut bit."

There was Dalish, of course, but it was hard to discuss being a mage with someone who insisted that you were imagining things.

"Have you ever had a lucid dream? The sort where you realize you're dreaming, and if you try hard enough, you can even control it a bit? For me, it's like that every night. Add some lyrium to the mix, and, well. The more lyrium, the more control, the more other dreams you can Fadewalk to."

"That's not fair," he said quietly when Dorian brought up the saarebas. Bull was not proud of what his people did to those born with access to the Fade; he knew why they did it, but after knowing other mages it was hard to imagine that fate. "I knew mages in the south, I just never slept with one before I met you. And even if Dalish could do that, she wanted nowhere near my dreams."

Bull shook his head. "Not really, no. Memories, sort of, but not a dream like that."

Bas saarebas. Dorian had heard himself referred to that way a few too many times in his life. Mostly by that weasely little viddathari who they'd met on the Storm Coast. Dorian was certain he would never stop being resentful toward the little blighter. He'd tried very hard to convince Bull to just let the Chargers be hewn down.

And apparently, he'd managed it. In Bull's timeline.

Dorian made a soft noise from his spot against Bull.

"When you say slept, do you mean it as a euphemism for carnal relation, or actual sleeping? Out of curiosity."

Edited 2017-05-21 05:11 (UTC)

Bull chuckled again. "Both," he said. "Unless sharing a camp with Dalish counts as sleeping together. Sleeping adjacent?" He kissed Dorian's hair. His voice was softer when he spoke next: "No, you were a first in many ways."

"Well. Whatever I seem to have on offer, it must have been enough to overcome your desire not to be in the same room as the mage from Tevinter."

Dorian pecked him on the lips.

"Or you were very good at noticing when someone was sniffing around you and you decided to throw caution to the wind on account of curiosity. Either way, I'm glad you made the move to say something. Whatever you were thinking back then, your confidence taught me something. To have a little in myself."

"I'm used to fielding curiosity. Especially from humans." Krem had escorted away plenty of people that decided not to follow through after seeing an adult Qunari naked. Bull never forced anyone to stay.

"I liked teasing you. Then I liked talking to you. Seeing you naked was bonus after that." He leaned close to kiss Dorian again. "I thought we had some things in common... and I don't hate individual Vints, too exhausting."

"Sera says I'm not very Vinty, anyway." Dorian's mouth pulled up at the side. Both because Bull's little pejorative had stuck on with half the Inquisition, and because she'd been right. They'd all been right about him.

There'd been a time he almost found it insulting, the way they spoke of him like being different was what made him tolerable. He still loved his country. But they were right. He'd been born ... different. Different didn't always fare well in Tevinter. Tevinter preferred things to work by tradition. It was why they were so friendly with the Dwarves.

"I did want to see you naked very badly."

Dorian darted his eyebrows at Bull.

"I was not disappointed. As it turns out, I like a huge rack much more than I always thought I did."

"You are very Tevinter in a lot of ways," he insisted. "And in others... not. Your penchant for embracing change, for one. Even if you complain about it loudly to make up for your acceptance." Bull smiled and tenderly rubbed Dorian's neck.

The huge rack commented startled a louder laugh out of him and Bull tried to quiet himself down. He didn't want to wake the neighbors.

"Why did you come in the first place? I know you were a little drunk, but you had to have been thinking about it before that if that's where your mind went as soon as you let it."

"You mean aside from the fact that you were, despite being Qunari and honestly having a bit of a gas problem, the hugest, most rugged man I have ever had the pleasure of walking behind for miles?"

Dorian adjusted himself beside Bull so they could better meet eyes. His own shone in the darkened room.

"I wasn't sure we could do it. Or if we did, I wasn't sure we would all live through it. And I wanted ... before it was all over, I wanted to be with someone. It was never a fling for me. I wanted to be able to say I'd had someone of my own before I died."

Dorian's eyes were beautiful, even in the dark room. Bull held him, stared up at him like he was enthralled.

"Having anything of my own never meant much before I had the Chargers." But he'd been part of a group like that before, in the Bleeders and on Seheron before that. Dorian was different.

"And then I met you, kadan. I thought you'd be a fling," he admitted. Bull had been interested, but he didn't expect that Dorian would stay interested after his curiosity had been satisfied. He'd taken a small gamble. Bull brushed his fingertips along Dorian's cheek, following the cut of the bone beneath soft, well-cared-for skin. "I teased you about coming back, but then you did, like you owned the place."

Bull had been thrilled, and he had spent considerable energy hiding that, had spent a lot of time thinking about what that meant for him, as a Qunari, as Ben-Hassrath. But in the end, he'd been happy with Dorian. Whatever time they spent together, no matter where they'd been, he'd been happy. Even with all the demons and Venatori.

Edited 2017-05-21 05:54 (UTC)

"I fell in love with you. The moment I admitted it to myself, my ancestors were rolling in their graves. Which honestly, just turned me on even more. There may be something wrong with me."

Dorian smiled, so broadly that it hurt. Because he did love Bull. They'd both taken a shot in the dark, and they'd somehow, blindly fumbling, managed not to bung it all up in the end.

"And for the record, I had more things in your room than you did by the end of the month. I practically did own the place."

He held a finger up to Bull and then leaned over the side of the bed to dig into the pocket of his trousers, which were folded neatly on the nightstand on his side.

Dorian pulled out a fancily embroidered little pouch.

"I could?"

Bull knew Dorian came from a different place, one in which he'd become Tal-Vashoth. He didn't want to think about where he had come from: a place where he'd fallen in love with Dorian, and was painfully aware of his loyalty to the Qun. His fear of the day when those two things might clash.

Then he'd come to Darrow. Maybe it was a reprieve. Dorian's smile erased the anguish that threatened to bubble up and Bull drank in the sight of him. He was only distracted by the bag; he looked at it. "Could what? Are we back to you coming into my dreams?"

"Literally and figuratively, if possible, yes. You have to admit you're curious. I heard you gabbing with Solas way back when about his admittedly kind of creepy habit of just Fadewalking every spare moment."

Dorian looked at Bull very seriously for a moment.

"You might even remember it all on waking. You already know you're in the Fade when you're dreaming, Bull. Wouldn't you like some company for once?"

"You know I've been afraid of being possessed by a demon since childhood, right?" In his memory, Dorian had been out in the field with them when Cole revealed that gem of a memory.

There was something tempting, he couldn't deny that. The idea of having Dorian in his dreams, the hope that they would be pleasant. He wondered if Dorian was aware of his bad dreams, even on the nights he slept quietly.

"The Fade reflects your emotional state. There won't be any demons, if I can make you feel good. A demon is one thing, but are you so frightened of a spirit of Love? Pleasure? Devotion?" All were things Dorian felt toward Bull. All were things he believed Bull returned.

"One of these days we're going to have a good, long talk about that fear of yours. But not tonight. Maker knows neither of us want to taint the mood that way."

He kissed Bull, in a way he hoped got across how much it would mean to him. There was an entire half of Dorian's life that was totally peripheral to Bull almost all of the time. The Fade was Dorian's Qun, in a way.

"You said there was a nightmare somewhere," he said, sounding a bit uncertain. Those spirits all sounded nice, and he thought of Cole, ostensibly a spirit of compassion. Bull also knew what lived in his own mind, never mind what lurked in the Fade beyond it. He didn't want to taint this.

He kept his eye open during the kiss, holding Dorian close. When they parted again, he stroked back Dorian's hair, studying his face. It was impossible not to see how badly he wanted this. Bull hadn't been raised to trust magic the way Dorian did. But, eventually, he nodded.

"We can try," he said. "I don't know how to control my dreams... I do have nightmares." He wasn't trying to talk Dorian out of it. He just wanted to... warn him, or something.

"I do. You don't get to be a full Enchanter without knowing your way around a demon. And being smart and strong enough to take it out of the equation."

He wasn't exactly some naive Ferelden brat not very bright up top, just waiting for the Templars to decide he deserved Tranquility.

"I will be as gentle as I can. I will stop the moment you ask me to, or the moment anything seems out of the ordinary."

It was the usual promise. And Dorian meant it.

Dorian took the bottle of water he kept by the bed off the nightstand and, carefully, trickled the very smallest amount of the powder in the pouch into it. It swirled through the liquid, quickly turning it a deceptively pretty glowing blue.

Bull had been in the Fade bodily once, but going there in his dreams was different. But he trusted Dorian; he trusted him with his life on the battlefield. How was this any different?

"What do I do?" he asked while Dorian poured some of the lyrium into the water. He'd never had lyrium, never really been near it before coming to the south.

"Just chug it. Don't be a princess about it.' Dorian held the bottle toward Bull.

"A little more than half. You're bigger than I am, and you're not a mage. That means more of it. Don't worry about any ill effects, the Templars have issues because they take huge amounts of the stuff at extremely frequent intervals. Which is insane, by the way. I don't envy Cullen."

"Wait, why do I have to have lyrium? Dorian..." Bull frowned a bit, looking more hesitant even as he took the bottle. He stared at it, a little unnerved by the glow. Maybe it wasn't any different than drinking a healing potion but he still didn't--

This was new. This was edging along a deep-rooted fear. Bull wasn't necessarily good at confronting those. He stared at Dorian for a long moment, then sighed and took a long swig from the bottle. A little more than half.

"Trust me for a moment. I trust you."

It wasn't an accusation, simply coaching. A reminder. Dorian drank his half smoothly, and wrinkled his nose a little preciously at the taste, despite being familiar.

Too much like metal and maple syrup. Dorian hated maple syrup.

"Now, just go to bed. Relax. Can I do anything to help you along?"

"That heat-thing again on my knee," he said as he sank back down, trying not to linger on the worst that could happen. Bull didn't want to taint this experience with his anxieties around the Fade. He did trust Dorian. He'd just never done anything like this before. Ever.

"The lyrium may actually help. Cullen tells me it fills you with a sense of inward peace and supreme confidence. Pity it doesn't do the same for me."

Dorian gave a snort of breath through flared nostrils, but didn't mention what it did for him. Suffice to say, too much of the stuff was very bad for a mage, though just a bit was very good.

He lay his hands on Bull's knee underneath the blanket. It was more careful than usual, the result of making sure only so much proverbial water came out sluice gates which were suddenly much wider.

He kissed Bull on the ear, and settled in to relax himself.

"Sleep tight, amatus. See you in your dreams."

Between the gentle heat seeping through his knee and the effects of the lyrium - after a brief, silent panic wondering if it would effect Qunari physiology differently - Bull managed to drift off. He was tired; it had been a long night.

At least the dream started easy enough. A warm beach with a breeze off the water to keep the humidity at bay. It carried scents of flowers that grew around Par Vollen, but also of honeysuckle and lotus flowers.

It was not long before Dorian found his way to Bull. They were literally on top of one another in bed, so naturally, their realms were most adjacent.

He didn't recognize the scene at first, so it was very difficult to try not to put any undue influence on it yet. Dorian didn't know what he was looking at to reinforce it, even when he realized, Oh. It must be Par Vollen.

The scent of spices followed the realization. Dorian was too happy to have made it there to bother trying to stop it.

And there he was. Looking out across the water without the longing of daytime memory. When Bull turned, Dorian was taken aback for a moment, though why he should be he didn't know.

Bull had his other eye here.

"Oh, good. Glad you're here." Dorian beamed at him, and opened his arms.